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I don't understand |
Why are you being so mean? |
You're a mean, mean man |
You're just jealous of me 'cause you, you just can't do what I do |
So instead of just admitting it, you walk around and say |
All kinds of really mean things about me 'cause you're a meanie, a meanie |
But it's only 'cause you're just really jealous of me |
'Cause I'm what you want to be, so you just look like an idiot |
When you say these mean things 'cause it's too easy to see |
You're really just a big weenie, big weenie |
Alright, listen, I need you to focus |
I need you to go dig deep in your mind, this is important |
We are going to perform an experiment of the sorts |
I'm going to have to ask you to bear with me for a moment |
Now, I need you to open your mind, your eyes, close 'em |
You are now about to be placed under my hypnosis |
For the next four and a half minutes |
We are going to explore into your mind |
To find out why you're so fucking jealous |
Now, why did they make Yoo-hoo? |
Pippity-caca-poopoo |
Psych, I'm kidding, I just wanted to see if you're still listenin' |
Okay, now I need your undivided attention |
Sir, I have a question |
Why do I always sense this undeniable tension? |
From the moment that I enter into the room |
It gets all quiet and whispers |
Whenever there's conversation, why am I always mentioned? |
I've been dying to ask, it's been itchin' at me |
Is it just because |
You're just jealous of me 'cause you, you just can't do what I do |
So instead of just admitting it, you walk around and say |
All kinds of really mean things about me 'cause you're a meanie, a meanie |
But it's only 'cause you're just really jealous of me |
'Cause I'm what you want to be, so you just look like an idiot |
When you say these mean things 'cause it's too easy to see |
You're really just a big weenie, big weenie |
Alright, now I, I just flubbed a line |
I was going to say something extremely important |
But I forgot who or what it was, I fucked up |
Psych, I'm kidding again, you idiot, no, I didn't |
That's just what you wanted to hear from me |
Is that I fucked up, ain't it? |
But I can bust one take without lookin' at no paper |
It doesn't take a bunch of takes |
Or me to stand here in this booth all day |
For me to say the truth, okay? |
You're droolin', you have tooth decay |
Your mouth is open, you're disgusting |
What the fuck'd you eat for lunch |
A bunch of sweets or something, what? |
You munch a bunch of Crunch 'n Munch? |
Your tooth is rotten to the gum |
Your breath stinks, wanna chew some gum? |
"Yes I do, sir, what am I on?" |
You, sir, are on truth serum |
"Marshall, I'm so jealous of you |
Please say you won't tell nobody |
I'd be so embarrassed, I'm just absolutely terrified |
That someone's gonna find out why I'm saying |
All these terrible, evil, and awful mean things |
It's my own insecurities" |
You're just jealous of me 'cause you, you just can't do what I do |
So instead of just admitting it, you walk around and say |
All kinds of really mean things about me 'cause you're a meanie, a meanie |
But it's only 'cause you're just really jealous of me |
'Cause I'm what you want to be, so you just look like an idiot |
When you say these mean things 'cause it's too easy to see |
You're really just a big weenie, big weenie |
Alright, now, we, we're going to conduct |
That experiment that we were talking about earlier |
Just to see what a frog looks like when it takes two hits of ecstasy |
'Cause that's exactly what your eyes look like, wanna check to see? |
Here's a mirror, notice the resemblance here? |
Wait, let me put these sunglasses on |
Now look in this mirror, how 'bout? |
What do you have in common? |
You're both green with envy and |
Look like idiots with sunglasses on 'em |
You look like I sound like, singing about weenies |
Now take my weenie out of your mouth |
This is between me and you, I know you're not happy |
I know you'd much rather see me lying |
In the corner of a room somewhere crying |
Curled up in a ball, tweaked out of my mind, dying |
There is no denying that my weenie's much bigger than yours is |
Mine is like sticking a banana between two oranges |
Why're you even doing this to yourself? It's pointless |
Why do we have to keep on going through this? This is torturous |
My point is this |
That if you say mean things, your weenie will shrink |
Now I forgot what the chorus is, you're just a |
You're just jealous of me 'cause you, you just can't do what I do |
So instead of just admitting it, you walk around and say |
All kinds of really mean things about me 'cause you're a meanie, a meanie |
But it's only 'cause you're just really jealous of me |
'Cause I'm what you want to be, so you just look like an idiot |
When you say these mean things 'cause it's too easy to see |
You're really just a big weenie, big weenie |
Get the fuck off my dick |